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I AM RESPONSABLE

I think that one of the most difficult things I had to do when I started this inner journey was to take responsibility for my life and my happiness... To admit my share of responsibility in what was causing me suffering. I used to be really good at blaming others, explaining with irrefutable arguments how it was their fault that I was suffering... and now I had to face the fact that the one responsible for the situation... was ME. Do you remember the trip to Bali I told you about a few days ago? The one where I hit rock bottom... Well, that's where, for the first time, I became aware and accepted that I was responsible for what I was experiencing and feeling... That's where I began to distance myself from my pain and accepted to look within... accepted that some aspects were not so great... I wasn't the poor little victim of others... That was a tough pill to swallow. Even today, when someone says something to me that I perceive as negative towards me, my first reflex is often denial or defense. I sometimes even retaliate with "yes, but you..." Then, once the emotional wave has passed, I look at the situation again by delving into my shadow side and take my share of responsibility. When that happens, guilt and regrets often join the dance. What's interesting is that it only happens in personal situations. In professional settings, I never judge and I accept every remark with kindness, and I don't feel personally attacked...

Oh, I see where you're going... "How am I responsible? I can't help it if my boss harasses me!" "It's not my fault if people disrespect me"... Let me tell you... I've been there... but when you change your perspective and look at things differently by taking your share of responsibility, it goes like this: "If this job doesn't suit me, I can refuse to be harassed and change it" "I can calmly confront my boss and tell him that he shouldn't speak to me like that" "If I'm being disrespected, I can set boundaries and tell them or stop surrounding myself with those people."


Now, listen carefully. Taking responsibility doesn't mean endorsing things, it doesn't mean accepting what hurts... no, quite the opposite! It means looking within ourselves and understanding how we are responsible for what we feel and experience. What are our patterns, beliefs, and behaviors that make us accept or act in such a way? It's admitting that I also play a role in the dynamics. I know... it's tough. But with time, it becomes an easier exercise.


On my part, I have sometimes swung to the other side, meaning I took too much responsibility in a situation and tried to change myself too much... to the point of accepting too much. It's all about finding balance..



It's incredibly difficult to be completely honest with oneself. It's a profoundly intimate and transformative journey; a long and often tortuous path that the ego (the image we have created of ourselves) doesn't like to venture into. It's an invitation to look deep within ourselves and take full responsibility for our lives, our past mistakes, the decisions that led us here, and the challenges we face. Confronting our own truth, those parts of ourselves we prefer to ignore or deny, can be challenging. It's much easier to seek scapegoats for our failures or cling to external circumstances to justify our unhappiness. But true liberation lies within ourselves... in accepting our shadow side.


Admitting that I was someone who sought control, who had emotional dependency issues, who judged much more than I wanted to admit. Someone who was envious, critical, and dishonest (among other things!) was complicated... because it touched one of the deepest fears: the fear of not being a good person, of not being enough (you see, we come back to it)... and that was unbearable for me.


Acknowledging our mistakes and past choices can be painful, but it is in this vulnerability that we find the strength to grow and transform. Every challenge we face is an opportunity to reveal ourselves, to become aware of our thought patterns and behaviors, and to question them.


The key to our evolution lies in our ability to stop blaming others and take responsibility for our own happiness. It requires courage and patience, but it is in this process that we find the freedom to create the life we truly desire. As I often say to the people I support, taking responsibility for one's own happiness is ultimately good news because it means it doesn't depend on anyone else... so we can take immediate action!


To be completely honest with oneself, it is essential to look at ourselves without judgment or criticism, with kindness. It is by accepting this reality that we can forgive ourselves and move forward with compassion. It may also involve connecting with our deepest emotions, those we don't want to feel because they are too painful... it means allowing ourselves to be vulnerable in front of ourselves. It is in this openness to our most intimate feelings that the healing and resilience necessary to overcome challenges are found.



Every step counts, no matter how small. It's scary, it hurts, but I really encourage you to embark on this journey towards honesty with yourself. Allow yourself to explore the deepest corners of your being, accept your imperfections, your shadow, and forgive yourself... because remember... without shadow, there is no light.


Lucas



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