We all face fears, whether conscious or unconscious. Life offers us experiences to help us work on ourselves. Sometimes, I even feel like my life is an endless experiment! It can be exhausting... Do I have so much to heal within myself? When will it stop?! Then I remember that it's a lifelong journey... and even if it feels like we're not making progress... we are evolving.
When I look back, I realize how much I have grown and evolved. I have overcome challenges that seemed insurmountable and gained valuable wisdom. Before, a breakup was synonymous with immeasurable pain, nothing had taste or significance... Today, I know that everything is temporary, even the most intense pain.
I still remember that trip to Bali after a breakup. I was at my lowest, empty and alone. Then I started writing, releasing my troubles on paper, and repeating to myself that every hour, every minute brought me closer to healing. The secret is to hold on in the storm, to persevere despite the fears and pains that assail us. And little by little, we begin to live again...
Today, I have learned to manage my emotions, even though they can still catch me by surprise. But there is still so much to do. Sometimes, I feel like a blindfolded tightrope walker... moving forward on a wire without really knowing where it leads, struggling to stay on the rope, learning from every experience, not letting my wounds and emotions take over. To give myself love... despite the fears and the stories they delight in telling me... and with the stories... and emotions that come along.
With time and experience, I have learned to know myself... learned to manage what comes... but deconstructing everything to rebuild takes time... so much time... There are fears that we are familiar with, and others that are more insidious, hidden in our unconscious, causing us to repeat patterns and dynamics that make us suffer.
The first step is to become aware of these fears. But that is not enough, because fear is just an emotion that conveys a message: "caution, I don't know this, it could be dangerous" or "watch out, potential danger." We must not stop at this emotion and miss out on beautiful opportunities.
Even today, I discover new fears deeply buried within me... but I am patient and I learn to talk to them, to tell them a different story than the one they dictate to me.
I move forward despite their presence and the stories they enjoy telling me. I thank them for their message... but I strive to keep moving forward.
And that's exactly what I'm doing by writing these words here, publicly... and yet privately.
Lucas
