Everything begins within. The other is merely a reflection.

I've been walking the path back to myself for years.

I’ve dismantled patterns, explored old wounds, and faced my shadows.

And yet, life keeps offering me situations that invite me to go deeper — to move from knowing something mentally to truly embodying it.

To integrate it, fully.

And sometimes, it’s through relationships with others that this process hits the hardest.

Recently, for example, I had to collaborate with someone who, at first glance, seemed to embody a very “aligned” kind of spirituality: perfect rituals, a structured routine, enlightened vocabulary... everything appeared to be in place.

And I don’t know about you, but when I’m faced with that kind of polished appearance, I still sometimes catch myself comparing.

Am I really aligned, too? Am I doing “enough”?

I don’t have such a well-oiled routine, I don’t always speak in those terms…

That comparison woke up an old voice inside me — the one that still sometimes whispers that I should “do more” or “be more” to earn my place.

As if those outer signs were casting doubt on my own way of being.

Me, who operates more intuitively, more fluidly.

Me, who doesn’t “tick all the visible boxes.”

I felt both inspired and insecure. And that mix opened a crack.

But very quickly, behind this façade of alignment, something else began to show.

A rigidity.

Comments like: “That’s not in my contract,” or “That’s not my job.”

Nothing could move. No flexibility allowed.

And that hit me. Hard.I’m someone who always goes all in. I felt hurt.

Because I was giving, committing, adapting — and it felt like he… wasn’t.

Suddenly, my wound of injustice was wide open.I was angry.

It had to be his fault.

But looking closer — and thanks to an unexpected conversation — I received a reminder:

It all starts with us.

He wasn’t the problem.

He was a mirror.A reflection.

A messenger.

He was doing what I wasn’t allowing myself to do:Set a clear boundary.

Say no without justification.

Protect his space without guilt.

That’s when I saw it — I was still carrying that old tendency to over-adapt, to over-give, to sometimes forget myself…

Believing that this is what it meant to be “committed.”

In his rigidity, he showed me my lack of structure.He held up a raw mirror.

He stood on the extreme end of a scale I didn’t yet know how to balance.

Neither of us had it “right”: one too closed, the other too open.

And from that realization, I was able to take a step back.

To adjust my stance.

To reclaim my responsibility.

To choose to stop entering sacrifice.

To act, clearly.

And you know what?

When we take a little distance, we often see two subtle dynamics at play in these kinds of situations:

1. Our boundaries are set too far away.

2. And we don’t allow ourselves to do what the other is allowing themselves to do.

   
   

And that’s often what triggers that silent anger, that hard-to-name frustration inside us.

Not because of how the other person is behaving…

But because we don’t feel we have the right to behave that way too.

Changing that isn’t about expecting the other person to shift.It’s about moving our own “enough” line.

It’s about starting to listen to ourselves — and honoring our needs.

I couldn’t ask him to shift his boundaries.

But I could choose to stop losing myself in the name of generosity.

To stop confusing giving with self-abandonment.

To me, that’s what inner growth really is:

Not becoming polished.Not becoming perfect.

But daring to look at ourselves honestly — without self-deception —and making choices that are more aligned.

For ourselves.

And maybe you see yourself in this kind of situation too.

So if my experience speaks to something within you, I invite you to pause for a moment… and ask yourself these few questions:

• When I feel hurt or angry, do I take the time to reflect on what it’s triggering in me?

• In which situations do I tend to over-give or over-adapt?

• What boundary do I need to set today to honor myself more fully?

  
  

And if you’d like to take it one step further, here’s a simple little ritual: The “Too Much” Ritual.

Each evening before bed, take a few quiet minutes and ask yourself:

• Did I do something today out of fear of disappointing someone?

• Where did I say “yes” when I really wanted to say “no”?

• Did I honor my needs as much as I honored others’?

Note down one small adjustment you could try tomorrow.

And remember:

Every little shift you make is an act of love — for yourself.

Lucas

 Tout part de nous. L'autre... ce miroir.