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Understand the power of your mind for a Happier Life!!


@Elisa Riva - Pixabay.com

Frequently, my clients and retreat participants inquire whether, given their age, it's too late to embrace happiness. Every time, I assure them that it's never too late – we can find joy and fulfillment at any stage of life. The key lies in the willingness to work on oneself, nurture happiness, and pursue dreams. Furthermore, we can reprogram our minds positively, turning it into a powerful ally. Understanding the intricacies of our minds and brains is crucial.


As the Dalai Lama say, "Sow an act, and you will reap a habit; sow a habit, and you will reap a character; sow a character, and you will reap a destiny."

In simpler terms, changing a small action can lead to new habits, transforming behaviors, and ultimately shaping our destiny.


The insights I share in this article provide foundational principles for implementing change. I believe in simplicity and directness, avoiding complex terms to ensure accessibility.

I am therefore going to talk about our mind, our brain, and explain to you points which are both very easy to understand, but essential to integrate.


So, it's essential to recognize that the brain resists change; it clings to familiar habits for a sense of security. Change often implies stepping into the unknown, which can be perceived as negative and frightening. This mindset, however, is rooted in our belief system. The unknown can be full of wonderful opportunities. But for most us, the unknown is scary.

The mind therefore has its comfort zone, what it knows, what it masters, what it has a feeling of security in. And even if the situation we find ourselves in at that moment is not at all pleasant, very often he prefers that to the unknown, because at least he is used to “that”. It is not for nothing that we say that humans are creatures of habit!


To embark on a journey of change, one must be prepared to face the discomfort of letting go. Whether it's ending a relationship, changing careers, or challenging deeply ingrained beliefs, acknowledging the need for change is the first step. Your mind initially acts as an adversary, familiar with your fears, beliefs, and wounds. Commitment to the process of self-improvement is essential, as the desire to change must be genuine; otherwise, reverting to old patterns is likely.

So when we try to implement change, the mind struggles fiercely. He wants to find what he knows. It may make him suffer, it may scare him, but it doesn't matter, at least he knows it.


Before initiating change, take the time to understand what you want to change and why. The commitment to change should stem from a personal need rather than external pressures.


The concept of "getting better" varies for each individual. It could involve overcoming insomnia, gaining confidence, or pursuing personal dreams. The journey of self-improvement is not always enjoyable, as it involves confronting buried aspects of ourselves.

So, I'm not going to lie to you, doing in-depth work on yourself is not fun, because there are things that we have to face and that we would prefer to keep under the rug. We question ourselves, we take responsibility for our own life and our suffering, we fight against the mind which does not want to change...   Yet, it leads to newfound freedom, alignment, self-discovery, and a sense of pride in personal victories.

First of all you have to know that you cannot remove something from the brain without adding something else. Change requires substituting old habits with positive alternatives. The brain needs a replacement that carries a similar positive connotation.


So, we can't remove something from the brain without giving it another bone to gnaw on! This is often why people who quit smoking start eating candy or something else they like. The brain finds something else. So knowing this, when you want to implement a change, remember to give it something in exchange, something that you have decided. Additionally, forming a new habit takes around three weeks of consistent practice.

Remember, I told you that change requires regularity, consistency. It is therefore by reproducing the habit you want to adopt every day, at least once a day, that you will be able to achieve results.


The brain tends to ignore negative phrasing, it does not "hear" the negative form of a sentence. For instance, if I ask you not to think of an Elephant... What did you think of? Has an Elephant, right? Or if I tell you “don’t be afraid” what is your first reaction instinctively?  Fear, apprehension, right?

Keep in mind the importance of the words you use. They have a direct impact on you, on your thoughts and on your beliefs but also on others, on their thoughts and on their beliefs.

The way you talk about yourself, or the way people talk to you about yourself, has a direct impact on your vision of yourself. Just like what you say to others has an impact on their view of themselves.

Repetition of words and phrases contributes to the development of beliefs. Childhood experiences and the language used by others shape our self-perception. Understanding these influences is a crucial step toward self-awareness.

In the same way as if you grew up with people around you who told you that the world is dangerous, that the unknown is negative, then you have most certainly developed this same belief.


Okay, I'm going to stop there for today. We will end with practice (yes, I am a very pragmatic man). 


So I suggest some exercises to you:


Exercise 1 :

Take a moment to ask yourself the following questions:

- Do I want to change because I am told to do so, when I don’t see a problem? Am I doing it for me?  or for my partner?

- Why do I want to change, why do I want to start working on myself?

Exercise 2 :

I invite you to write down a goal on paper, whatever it may be. For example. I want to change careers. Or I want to have more confidence in myself. Or, I want to leave everything behind to explore the world. It doesn't matter what it is. Your goal can also be happy.

- Write the chosen objective at the very top of the page.

- Then below describe what this objective looks like for you. What is this ? For the examples I cited above: what does being happy mean to me? What is my dream job? Try to do this by connecting to your feelings. Take the time to really get to the bottom of the subject. - Then ask yourself why you want to achieve this goal.

What will be the advantages of achieving it, what will you gain? (feel really good in your sneakers?, be surrounded by positive people?, be comfortable in public?…). Or if it's easier, what are you going to lose and that you no longer wanted "I would no longer feel worthless when I had to speak orally, or I would no longer have this feeling of weight which oppresses my chest ")


- And finally, make 2 columns. In the first, write everything you will gain from achieving this goal. If I take the example of changing jobs to do the job of my dreams. Well, I would benefit from feeling like I really belong, from doing something that really matters to me... I could, I don't know, for example develop my creativity, or learn new things that fascinate me. And in the 2nd column, write what you will lose, the grieving that you may have to deal with. Financial grief? If you leave your job to start a new job that you will certainly love, perhaps initially it will not allow you to earn as much. Is this the Mourning of a relationship? You want to be happy, but you realized a long time ago that your relationship is doing you more harm than good... So make these 2 columns.


- Once all that is done. Look in which column you wrote the most things. Is there more to gain, or more to lose? If there is more to gain, if your mind sees that there are more benefits, then you have a good chance of achieving your goal. If the other side has more arguments, then change will be more difficult.

Exercise 3 :

Take the time to observe for a few days the way you interact with yourself and with others. Take the time to identify the negative forms, the “don’ts” that you use.

Every time you notice one, write it down somewhere, and at the end of the day, take the time to notice if it's something you do very often or if it remains occasional.

The next time you notice yourself using negative wording, rephrase the sentence and use affirmative wording. You will realize at the beginning that it is not an easy exercise, but over time you will notice that the affirmative formulations will take over... and become a new habit.

Intrigued to explore more insights? Subscribe to the newsletter for updates on upcoming retreats and events, and join me on the Feel to Heal Facebook group or on Instagram!



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